Sunday, January 23, 2011

Our Days Are Numbered

Honey Locust in the Pasture

Strange, lately I've been a bit more melancholy than usual.
Maybe it's due to my being forty-six and female which really screams, "hormonal!" at many different levels.
It could also be this head cold (are there any other kind?) that seems to keep me in a chronic daze.

I've also considered that it may be caused by my mothers needing me more than usual of late. And her overall condition being one of dependency on me.
This past visit, where we tried to have her knee replacement surgery done, I was acutely aware of how old she's really frail...and feeble, her body worn out.
I became more aware of her mortality.
And in becoming more aware of her mortality, I became more aware of my own.

Days of climbing stairs to the children's bedrooms remind me that these knees are not new.
I'm reminded of many years ago, sitting in my grandparents living room, and watching Barnaby Jones, my grandmother complained about her knees.
Not much later, she would have surgery on both of them and the picture is still crystal clear in my mind of her scarred knees, the walker, and the sighing, groaning, and moaning.
Our days are numbered. Not to say that with sadness but to alert me to the fact that I have little time to make a difference, a positive difference in the lives that He has entrusted me with.
I take so much for granted and blindly walk through life at times begrudging the housework, the responsibilities, even so sadly the time I must give to my family.
Selfish, selfish I.
The time will not be is precious and fleeting.
My days are numbered, my time measured.

January2011 635


Franbles said...

Oh, how true. As I watch my parents getting ever older and frailer and hear them talking about dying, I have become VERY aware of my own mortality. I think it is an age thing, but can be such a blessing because it spurs us on to love and good works for the only One who matters. I hope to make more of a difference for Him in the years I have left than in all my previous years.
God bless you!

Timothy Snider said...

That's my wife. Awesome writer. Awesome photographer. Good post, honey.

Jessica said...

Julie, is sounds to me like you need a girls night out. To share, laugh, cry - whatever! This Monday is our homeschool groups monthly moms-night-out at McAlisters at 7pm. You should come. There are women from 20-56 and it always renews my energy doing the every day things after having a fun night out. I know what you mean about growing older. I know I'm younger than a lot of people in our circles but having 5 kids takes it's toll on the body and the sanity! ;-) Hugs to you - I enjoy reading your thoughts.

Brownie said...

"The time will not be is precious and fleeting." Thanks for the reminder - I was pulling my hair because everyone is home and snowed in. I should enjoy... they will be gone too soon.

and hormonal??? I'm 52 and I'm THERE!! yikes.

CrossView said...

Beautiful and poignant! I've been having bouts of melancholy because all my kids are "adults" except my baby - and she's already 14. :O)

Jenn4him said...

We've been studying the End Times in church and perhaps that is why I find myself thinking similar things as you. I find myself longing for Jesus to come back more and more. Selfishly, I long to cram more life into my life and not thinking of building His kingdom as I should. *sigh*

Eat, Fart and Bark said...

I think you and I are on the same emotional rollercoaster. Our years are moving faster, I'm ready for the time to run out, but there is so much to do before going 'home' for good.
Hugs, Julie.
You are special.