Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Father of the Fatherless

Today is my dad's birthday.
I don't know how old he is...I just remember that it's the third of July.

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I really don't remember him, though.
He never really cared about me or my sister and brother.
People have tried to convince me that he did, but the plain and simple truth is that he didn't.

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He remarried when I was five and didn't even tell his new wife that he had been married before or that we, his children, even existed.
She found out through an insurance claim.
Child support was never paid, we lived in poverty due also to my mother being mentally ill.

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After my dad's wife found out his secret, they agreed not to tell their children about us.
The secret was kept for many years.

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But my dad started feeling guilty after his mother died...our Granny (we actually called her that).
You see, no one contacted us and we found out through a friend seeing my grandmother's obituary in their local newspaper.

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I don't blame the family for not letting us know, as my dad's wife can be volitale and they were hoping to avoid any confrontations.
Still, I believe that it was this event that triggered my dad to get in touch with me when I was in my late twenties.
We corresponded by letters than phone for several months.
In the beginning he kept our communicating from his wife, but she found out.
At first she was angered, "betrayed" she said, but then decided that it was okay and they would have to figure out a way to tell their sons about us and our dad's past.
One son was already grown, the other a child,...both were curious about us.
A trip was planned, teary hellos and hugs were expressed in the airport upon my arrival, it was all so touching...Oprah-worthy even.

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But all was not resolved, more lies were created and what was supposed to be a process of healing became confusing and deceptive.
I believe that there can come a point in our lives where it is okay to step out of another's life.
My dad and I have not talked for nearly fourteen years.
It's okay...and...I have forgiven him.
Julie

Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds-
his name is the LORD-
and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68:4-5

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4 comments:

CrossView said...

Wow! There is just too much of that in this world!

I'm sorry for the little girl that you were that would have been happy to have a daddy and mommy like they have in the movies.

But I'm impressed that you are not one of those who lets your past define you. It sounds like your life was better without him and his wife in it. I agree that is sometimes smarter to step out.

But as a mom I have to say that your birth father's wife is an idiot.

Happy Independence Day to you! And I do mean that on two different levels. ;o)

Franbles said...

Today I understand you a little better. I see where some of the destruction your life has known came from. And.. I see that the Lord is oh so good. I see that He is the father to the fatherless. I see that He can take a life and transform it. I see that He can heal. A dear friend of mine has likewise broken contact with her mother. I agree that it is most definitely okay to step away from someone.
With love and continued prayer
Sarah

Melissal89 said...

Hi Julie,

So sorry I've not visited in a while. This post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you had to experience this, but so overjoyed that our Lord and Savior has shown you a better way. Makes me think of my darling Gabby, she'll never know who her biological father and mother are. I guess that's where God's love steps in and give us (her adoptive parents) the power to fill that spot and love her just as if she was our own.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Blessings,
Melissa
www.inthesparrowsnest.com

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